The Chronicle of GeorgeThe Chronicles of GeorgeThe Chronicle of George
By Matthew Hellmer
CRW 3930 0003
MWF 11.30 - 12.20
Friday, December 02, 2005 Disclaimer: This is not FICTION ! Within you will find the truth that the Evil Bastard has hidden from you and all of mankind. Together with my fellow Perfectly Normal Human Beasts , we have discovered the secret records that the noted historian, Harold Desmond Teusse , hid beneath the old palm tree that leans to the south where Park Ave. and First St. meet. Mr. Teusse had been forced to fake all of history,
Seven Haikus for Seven Days Jeff’s Hat’s DilemmaSeven Haikus for Seven Days
Jeff wears a nice hat.
Jeff’s hat rests on Jeff’s big head. During the wind, not.
Dan’s Large Nose Dilemma
Dan went on a Trip. The trip was to the cold floor That stung his large nose.
Balls!
Coffee is so very Taste and quite warm. It fills My stomach and soothes.
Summoning
My friend calls out, come. He shouts to the night. He shouts To call the pack home.
Dry Spell
Wizar
The Craigifesto-- Book IIThe CraigifestoThe Craigifesto-- Book II
Book 2: Wherein THE CRAIG explains the workings of history.
Postulate I: Disinformational History.
As could be expected of the Evil Bastard, all history that you know of is exaggerations, lies and bent truths. The Evil Bastard forced noted historian Harrold Desmond Teusse to completely fabricate historical facts and events. Mr. Teusse, however, was not in favor of this, so he left clues all throughout his forced work. The most notable is in the word “history” itself, literally “his story” joined at the “s” so as to avoid detection.
While the
Disclaimer
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Mmm Java
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You see this site may facilitate freedom of speech, but you've just moved from freedom of speech to an obvious threat.
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Besides, the beauty of DeviantArt is that I can disable comments!
Nice doing businsess with you.
Does your girlfriend know that you value your work more than her? Should I act like a total pussy and report you to DeviantArt based on the "threat" in that?
And to top that off, you won't even apologize to Crashcheezball, who had nothing to do with this whole affair. Sir, might I conclude that you are the greatest bitch alive?
Give it up.
Besides, if you want to see a real vagina, just look in the mirror.
So, if you want to call me a "bitch". I'll give you the details on my band's next show, and you can say it to my face.
We'll see how you walk away from that little ordeal.
Fucking loser.
In addition to salting your fields and selling your friends into slavery, I have also gotten a contract to build a 250 foot tall bronze statue of Whoopi Goldberg next to your house. Upon completion, this statue will be pushed over on to your house, instantly killing you, and wounding your dog slightly. This will be timed with the marathon of "Queer eye for the straight guy" on TV, to insure that you will be home at the time.
As to the bitch thing--
--LIST OF LOSER QUALIFICATIONS--
[x] Threatening to fight someone over the internet
[x] Being in an emo band
[x] Only wanting to fight someone where said band is present to protect you
[x] Using the phrase "later masturbater"
[x] Misspelling an insult that fifth graders use
[x] Wanting to meet someone over the internet (what, I'm not good enough for myspace?)
[x] Realizing that this person is straight and even if he was gay, come on, he could do way better than you
[x] Inviting this person to see your band under the pretense of a threat, since he won't go to meet you otherwise
[ ] Having your house crushed by Whoopi Goldberg
[x] Threatening to report people to Deviant Art admins for hurting your feelings
Well that about covers it. At least you still have your self-respect. Oh wait, nevermind you're emo, scratch that. Well at least you still have your hair dye and your eyeliner.
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Give Me Your Monies!
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